Today was just an annoying Monday back from vacation, overall. I can't help but admit that PMSing about every little thing only makes matters worse. The school day didn't start off too bad, as I finally was able to see Jacob after a difficult, long vacation. Between the two polaroids I took this morning, the one with him came out the best :). First period, I didn't have to worry too much about being tested on music because we all reviewed the music together. The day, after that, dragged. Twelfth period sucks the most. Even though I am the type of person to make the stupidest comments in the world, I hate that awkward look a group gives you because of it. I know it's stupid to wish, but I wish that people would just laugh along with whatever I say, but not necessarily in a passive way. It bothered me that I found myself sitting by myself because none of my friends bother well enough to approach me. Maybe there is something about me which is unapproachable, who knows. It bothered me that I couldn't even create conversation with Ana and that she doesn't do the same. It still haunts me, the mistakes that I have made last year that destroyed such a solid friendship. Every little irrelevant moment feeds that guilt everyday and I can't seem to find peace. Jacob opened my eyes today, though. It is if I torture myself; I expect and wish too much; my emotions are very unstable now. I need to continue to grow independently. After school, I just wanted to get away from it all. I wanted to vent to my best friend at the side of 7-11, about the day. A time where I was finally opening up to him, considering it had been a problem for a few months, was denied as he pushed me to go to the play rehearsal. It really hurt because I wanted his comfort more than anything. this crybaby was so upset at the hour of 2:45PM. Practice turned out for the better though. I had DJ and Vicky to share my pains with. I never told DJ why I was upset, but it was very comforting to know someone else who was having a terrible day. Vicky was on her period and our pains were shared. haha. Dare I say, I actually had fun at rehearsal. Photo is of the polaroid I took today!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Haunting Guilt
Today was just an annoying Monday back from vacation, overall. I can't help but admit that PMSing about every little thing only makes matters worse. The school day didn't start off too bad, as I finally was able to see Jacob after a difficult, long vacation. Between the two polaroids I took this morning, the one with him came out the best :). First period, I didn't have to worry too much about being tested on music because we all reviewed the music together. The day, after that, dragged. Twelfth period sucks the most. Even though I am the type of person to make the stupidest comments in the world, I hate that awkward look a group gives you because of it. I know it's stupid to wish, but I wish that people would just laugh along with whatever I say, but not necessarily in a passive way. It bothered me that I found myself sitting by myself because none of my friends bother well enough to approach me. Maybe there is something about me which is unapproachable, who knows. It bothered me that I couldn't even create conversation with Ana and that she doesn't do the same. It still haunts me, the mistakes that I have made last year that destroyed such a solid friendship. Every little irrelevant moment feeds that guilt everyday and I can't seem to find peace. Jacob opened my eyes today, though. It is if I torture myself; I expect and wish too much; my emotions are very unstable now. I need to continue to grow independently. After school, I just wanted to get away from it all. I wanted to vent to my best friend at the side of 7-11, about the day. A time where I was finally opening up to him, considering it had been a problem for a few months, was denied as he pushed me to go to the play rehearsal. It really hurt because I wanted his comfort more than anything. this crybaby was so upset at the hour of 2:45PM. Practice turned out for the better though. I had DJ and Vicky to share my pains with. I never told DJ why I was upset, but it was very comforting to know someone else who was having a terrible day. Vicky was on her period and our pains were shared. haha. Dare I say, I actually had fun at rehearsal. Photo is of the polaroid I took today!
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