I Have My Father's Temper

So I can't help but constantly feel an urge to end this second 365 blog. I have so often been falling behind with posts, much more than the first one. I would have to "blame" that on the realization that Junior year is kind of hard. I wouldn't say that the work I have to do is so much the problem. Instead, I would have to insist that my procrastinating habits are finally working against me. Every year prior to this one, I would always procrastinate on projects and essays, but get them done in time. This year, I've had breakdowns, loss of motivation, and a severe case of Idontgiveafuck. It really has been pretty bad and sure, I gain a little bit of hope in saying that I'll do better next marking period or the next essay, but I'm well aware of what a lie that is. Today was..a bit bothersome. I never like the fact when someone goes MIA from my life, spontaneously. I also hate not knowing. Today my father supposedly got high-blood again and stormed off. He didn't go to church with us and literally didn't come home until 6PM because he had to take my mom to work. Whenever I tried to ask my mom what happened this morning, she just said "I don't know, ask your dad" She obviously didn't want to tell me. Then, when papa finally came home, I tried to be nice and ask where he was. He said "Nowhere." Lovely, ain't it? Photo is of a .GIF I created to pass the time. I hate essays.

Surprise, Black Friday

Today was such a long day to begin with! Early morning at around 6AM, my sister woke up up to get ready for Black Friday shopping. I got my medium hot coffee (Light&Sweet) and Cinnamon Raisin Bagel We got there maybe around 7AM and we let out shopping spree take over. It was a great feeling to buy all of these clothes and I even got myself a pair of combat boots! I'll be definitely wearing these often because they have no heel! :D I got a few things from Express and a dress from Macy's. I was kind of sad to have not bought the Neff hat I wanted. There were like none left!! Ugh, I bought a nice hat from Bakers, at least. WHICH leads to another story. We were in Bakers, all trying on shoes. I was standing around when this Asian women walks in straight to me, asking if I worked here. I said "No." [and it wasn't even a polite no; it was a little bitter] Then, 10 minutes later this same woman comes up to me and asked if I was purchasing shoes. And if I was, did I want to share a buy 1 get 1 50% off. First of all, BITCH IONO YOU! I denied her offer and was a little creeped out. My sister's boyfriend joked around saying the woman was lesbian and hitting on me and that my "I love boobies bracelet was sending the wrong message". -_-

ANYWAYS, when we got home, I began to clean. I cleaned the messiest middle room every and eventually got that clean. By around 5:00PM, I had finished organizing the room. It was next, with the new shoe holder installed. I spent most of my

afternoon working on that, while I had a surprise party waiting for me somewhere. Getting ready, and getting picked up in the first place had me excited. In the car, I asked Ana for advice on how to act surprised on purpose! Kim was even there! At first, knew only had a tiny surprise effect on it. When I first opened the door and went into the basement, a few people like Ariel, Jae, Ana, and Roland

popped out. I thought to myself wow, that's it? There was a bit of disappointment, but then DJ brought me upstairs. We went into the living room and whoa. What caught me off guard was that everyone else was upstairs hiding! I was definitely a bit more surprised and happier. The party tonight was great and no matter how I may describe it, for beter or for worse, I am forever grateful. No one has ever cared enough to arrange a whole party for me, making sure to get the foods that I lik

e and pay attention to such detail. I am not used to being the center of a party, so tonight did feel a bit awkward. I would sit around and there was instances of awkward

silences that I wanted to break so bad. Ah, like I said, those moments don't matter. I am forever grateful. Photos are from shopping, cleaning, and the party. I love you guys! :)

Happy BirthGiving!

First and foremost, I would have to say that this has been the birthday I have appreciated the most. I feel like 17 is the age I have been trying to reach up to throughout the years. I have always believed that I'm older on the inside, but this age finally seems to match who I am.

The fact that this day began so ridiculously early, is not something I'm grateful for. At around 5AM I was startled back into consciousness by a very prominent chanting or singing. Lying on the couch, I cracked my eyes open to find my lola and my sister standing before me. My sister held a small bouquet of flowers with a candle in the center of it while my lola sang songs for the custom. I was absolutely drained of energy, considering the party and late night. I wasn't as accepting of the custom as I should have been. When true morning came around, I had to finish the card and get to the high school by 8AM. Then, we had a little Thanksgiving Breakfast. All day, my phone rang with Facebook notifications. The constant posting for a wishful birthdays and hugs really made my day. It made me realize how far I have gotten with associating myself with new and old people. Last year, I think only about 56 people greeted me via Facebook, but this year I were at around 130 comments. I took a nap this afternoon because I could no longer stay awake. I woke up to get right into my birthday/Thanksgiving dinner. I haven't done it in a while, but blowing our candles on a ice cream cake made me feel like a child again. I'm excited to get my permit so I may start driving. Tomorrow we have Black Friday to tackle! :D Photo is from dinner.

High and Drunk Without Alcohol or Weed

Ah, the eve of our birthdays has been a good one. When I say "our" I can only refer to Adrian's and my own. Its a small coincidence, but I really enjoy the fact that November 25 is both our day. Until I met him, I didn't personally know anyone else with this birthday; birthdays were kind of just blah. But to greet the birthday boy only to get the same greet as the birthday girl is something in which I find much amusement. Tonight's party was actually very fun. Line dancing when the chance came up, dancing with no rhythm on purpose, dancing with no rhythm not on purpose, great food, being with friends, it was all so enjoyable. Even though my "best friend" was there, I didn't completely mind her. I'm done with the past and moved on to happier ways. There was a point throughout the night where I felt so tired that I came off as drunk or high. My eyes we half closed as I sat at the table against the wall talking to Roland. He laughed at how I seemed so out of it. We all messed with Emily's Nikon SLR camera tonight and took like a gazillion pictures. As soon as those get uploaded, one will be the photo for tonight. When I came home, I had to stay up even later to work on Shannon's gift as an instructor. It's funny how each year for my birthday, I am alway doing something for someone other than myself...the night of my birthday. A few years ago, I found myself pulling an all-nighter to do an essay for my brother, which I got him an F on. LOL.

Work Work Out Plan

For the past four days, I have been on a mini-workout plan. Originally, it consists of 50 sit-ups and 10 push-ups, but for a reason unknown, I went all out. I did 25 regular sit-ups and 25 varied ones. Then, I proceeded to my push-ups. Instead of doing only 10, I always do 15 to go past my expectations. I did a plank, a superman, and that bicycling thing where you have your legs in the air. I'm a little surprised at how much I did, but nonetheless I felt accomplished.

Today turned out a lot better than I had dreaded. I did not want to revert to the days where a disagreement or argument which occurred the previous night dominated our day. As I playback the day we've had, it was as if lat night never happened. I am aware that the event from last night did happen and words can not be taken back. I regained a form of hope that told me we are still okay. There was marching band rehearsal today and upon finding out at lunch, I exerted at very whiny "NOOOOOO." We got through it and I guess one could say I am excited for the Thanksgiving game. CUS THEN WE DON'T HAVE TO PRACTICE ANYMORE! :D Photo is of my studying for tomorrow.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Fucking Kill Me.

I made gravy tonight. Two packets, actually. I felt like such a mom pro, making gravy all by myself. It is besides the point to know that I all you need to do is ad water and stir the mix in a sauce pan over the stove. An accomplishment is an accomplishment, right? I guess you could say another accomplishment in my day, or ours, is to have totally ruined a good one. Today was absolutely great. We hung out after school, got all lovey dovey like a nice couple. We walked back to the high school where I had to pick up some orders. Now, I guess the important thing you should know about me in this relationship is that I am notorious for being the one who fucked up. I have chosen friends over him. I have constantly tried to argue my case to be right. Despite who is right or wrong, I am almost always the one who brings the argument up. Exhibit A: Tonight, I threw our relationship back to square 1, where no one was happy. It was a situation of supposedly choosing friends over him. I say supposedly because I actually thought into it and tried to avoid such a disaster. Without going into much detail, I will conclude that I am the trouble maker, when I try not to be. This has been the first problem we have had since we hit the year mark. Ever since then, we ave been smooth sailing. My god, we were even doing that 5-minute "get over the argument" thing that I wished we could! I really believe that we are past that naive stage in our relationship, but I have disappointed us tonight. Then, in the midst of such a low feeling, jealousy finds me again. Fucking bullshit. Photo is of our drawing.

Extra Time?! Shocker

It was probably a really bad idea to sleep at 5AM last night. We I snapped back into consciousness this morning, that was all I could do. Despite my parents calling me repeatedly to get my butt out of bed and get ready for church, I took my time because I was literally to tired to move. I finally found some kind of energy [if that is what you want to call it] to get up and so I made my way to the bathroom. I got changed and I didnt worry too much about what I wore I even wore my glasses which was new because I don't feel comfortable with them enough yet to wear them out. I still kind of cross my eyes. All throughout church, I couldn't help but think of any other subject than church and religion. From time to time, I would snap back to mass, but for the majority of time, I would go over color guard work or life issues in my mind The rest of today has been alright. I actually finished my homework early for the first time in a while. Hence, I had extra tie on my hands to begin some tasks that have been waiting on me for a while. Tonight I got started on Jon's requested shirt design. I can't wait to get this week over with. Oh, my father said we may be able to get my permit on Saturday! :D Photo is a screenshot of tonight's progress.

I Wish There Was A Word For What I'm Feeling.

I can say that I have enjoyed today, but I can also say that it didn't feel the best. Today began with a Tag Day which I was late to, early morning. I honestly was late on purpose, for the fact that I woke up at 9AM. When the season is over, I don't bother coming early anymore. This morning dragged like it always does, expect not as badly. Ana got her uke dropped off and we began to obnoxiously sing for money. In fact, we created a song for donations! After tagging, Deejay and I headed to Ana's house. We chilled there for a while until we got picked up to go to Deejay's where we were picked up to to to GSP.

Tonight has been interesting. [just like every other day I describe, right?] We went to the mall and it was fun. We roamed around into stores, bought amazing red velvet cupcakes, and even funky danced out way into a newly opened store. Unfortunately, I did not buy anything aside from the little gift I got for him. I do know I wish he was with us though. I was talking with Deejay tonight about how sometimes he doesn't feel like he belongs anywhere. Sometimes I feel like that too. I have been in this constant fight within myself against social awkwardness. After about an hour on the topic, I have come to realize that awkwardness is what I've been after. It is consistency. I know myself to be very outgoing at times, but then there will be times of super-duper awkwardness that breaks me down. It has driven me towards insanity, this never-ending fluctuation. Oh, Happy Medium, where are you? Photo is of the beautiful arrangement of colorful hoodies at American Apparel!

Confidence Is Bliss

Fridays have been very, very much enjoyable with you. Actually, it is every day that I can spend with you like this that I favor. After school, we spent another afternoon at our park with a few pick-ups from 7-11. Today we actually stayed much longer than usual, telling stories about our past, well his past, at least. Last year, I was so curious to know such facts and swore that I wouldn't get mad. Last year, I was a very young, weak, and naive heart. I did not handle any of his facts well. Today proved how much I have grown since then. He was afraid to mention certain things, but even when I convinced him to do so, the facts didn't bother me as much as it would've a year ago. I will say that it did bother me a little bit, but not a notable amount. I only felt this way when he first mentioned events. Otherwise, I nodded and accepted what I was told. I've truly learned that the past is the past and unfortunately, it can not be erased. I don't care about her anymore. My confidence in our relationship overpowers any previous stresses or worries I had before. I love you and you love me. That simple statement can mean the world. Photo is of our little area :D

Late Night Festivals

Today was alright. Tonight's "festivities" has involved staying up a lot longer than I had been expecting. I have just spent 3 hours on 1 of 2 sketches I promised to do for Ana's art class. This was done, of course, after making up work for my Zoology class and not bothering to worry about Pre-Cal. Jazz band started today. For the most part, I was excited. Flutes never really do much, but it's something you get used to. I think positively of it as time to pretty much just do some hw and still be part of Jazz Band, receiving points for it. I understand that it's boring, but what can you do right? It hurt to constantly hear you complain about how you wish you didn't have to be sitting there and couldn't wait to leave. At one point, I just became bitter with you. I kept my eyes away from yours, trying to keep calm. Negative energy attracts negative energy, as they would always say. I won't say anything because you are who you are and I'm in no position to criticize your ways, as much as I love you as a friend. Photo is of my curled hair. In the midst of procrastination, I went into the bathroom and began to curl my hair. With the bed-head look, I plan on

That There? That's Our Park

This afternoon was very interesting to say the least. School has reclaimed itself as a place where I've given up and have been prone to failure. I basically got a zero on the Chem test, which threw me off track for the rest of the day. Little things were irritating more, such as the kids who just stand in the middle of the hall. I was about ready to show some kids aside on the way to 12th period. After school, he didn't look so happy. He expressed that today had been a bad day with grades. On the way to 7-11, we talked and talked, and I saw it as my duty to cheer this guy up. He always seems to do that for me so why not vice versa? It was incredibly windy today. Yet, we bought our hot chocolates, 1 ft. Italian sub, and cookies to chill by the park. He and I sat in the playground area to avoid the worst of the cold winds. We found ourselves walking down memory lane, which is something I absolutely love doing. It was crazy and hilarious to be reminded of things that I genuinely did no remember, but he did. All of these memories had me laughing by butt off like a maniac, every so often. Photo is from a Parade magazine article I was reading that just..failed.

Lack of Sleep: Regretted

Disregarding the dark clouds that came over this afternoon, I had a very much enjoyed day. I got through school even though I slept late last night. I do regret not sleeping well, but it did not consume my day. After school, we had a Creative Writing meeting. In my personal opinion, Michael's lack of a strong voice make the entire club awkward. I did my best to voice my own side comments so that the meeting did not seem so dead. Then, we had a short rehearsal to take care of. I was very happy to know that Jacob was staying with us, even though he would be leaving right afterwards anyway. I felt a form of comfort just knowing that simple fact. Recently our kisses felt so nice. The have been doing so much more than just reassuring our love. Photo is of the dark walk home.

Poop Adventures & Tacquito Picnic

Ugh, today was not a good day for my stomach. Last night, I allowed myself to try a diet green tea which my sister recommended. I was aware of the effects it would have on my digestive system. My sister also told me it would happen within hours, but at a time that you least expect it. I thought I has a fairly good understanding of it, but oh, how I underestimated that. Today started out alright; I didn't have too many assignments to worry about finishing or and tests to study for. I got through first period and up until lunch. Mind you, I had yet to feel any effects of the tea. I was feeling slight rumbles in my stomach, but I thought nothing of it. At lunch, I upset you a little, failing to tell you about my day. From that point, things slowly decreased. About half way through history, my stomach began to cramp and I was feeling a bit queasy. we were playing a review game for tomorrow's test, and w got the highest score, tied with Group 3. We lost in Final Jeapordy, but now we're getting off track. By the last 5 minutes of the class, I had my face in one hand while the other clenched my achy stomach. I was so confused, but it finally dawned on me what was going on. I hadn't eaten anything last night, but now that I had lunch, it was working. Great. I planned to get to my locker as fast as possible and ask Mr. Doldi to go to the bathroom. Symptoms were getting worse and the symptoms were nothing like I had imagined. I couldn't even wait for the key without hunching over a table, clenching my body. I hate how... the time you want to be alone the most, everyone decides to try to talk to you or say hi. Cynthia complimented me on my necklace, but I couldn't even say a meaningful thank you or make eye contact. The walk down to the nurse's office was a bit scary. My vision was beginning to digress along with my hearing. Girls were passing by, laughing within their conversations, and their voices sounds so muffled and distant. I had to literally squeeze my eyes shut for a few seconds to try to keep focus. Nadine tried to say hi, ugh. I felt bad. I got in through the office doors and long behold, another long hallway. I did my best to most fast, but my vision was going. Finally, I sort of ran into the door frame and pushed off to enter the room. I couldn't even look at the nurses. I told them how I felt like I was going to black out and how I really needed to use the bathroom. I was escorted to the restroom, and there I sat. Typically, I had an issue with the sanitations of any public restroom toilets, but I didn't care and sat right down. I began to sweat; I was still on the verge of blacking out. I took my cardigan off and dug my face into it. I literally sat there like that for about 20+ minutes. I sat there for a whole lunch period, because I even heard the bell. Finally, I felt better enough to get up and go back. I cleaned up, came out, and told the nurses what happened. Surprisingly, they were very nice and I got a pass pack to class. Being gone for so long with the bathroom key probably made things obvious, but whatever. I tried to hop back onto course, and the rest of the day wasn't too bad.

My afternoon on the other hand, was lovely. I left the high school with the love off to 7-11. I still felt a bit of tension from today, but I soon would find resolve in that. We got to the store and I de believe he was very hungry. Instead of the typical 3 taquitos we buy, he bought 6. I only at two. haha. When we sat down at the side, we began to talk casually. I then turned to him, with out taquito picnic laid out beside us, and asked how his day was. He said it was good, but then I cleared the question to regard our relationship. He wasn't willing at first, but we got talking. He told me what he disliked. I don't talk enough about the important ,simple, things. If we can't communicate about a simple day we live through, then what is? I accepted my faults and our conversation floated on. We began to talk about our future, something we both have become so comfortable with speaking of. On and on, our conversations went, until we had to start heading out. We talked and laughed our way to 4:10PM, which was when we started walking. I am very grateful to have these simple days today, along with overcoming such obstacles. On the walk back, we talked about how many firsts we are to each other [not sexually, perverts.] For example, I was the first person he's every hung out with outside his church, outside of town. We went to Jersey City together one night. He is my first everything to say the least. He has helped me grow into a better person. I guess, through the layers of today, I can't say it was bad at all. Photo is of our taquito picnic and Mr. Doldi's amazing Fire :D

Via Amazing Internet Services

I would like to proudly announce that today's parade was probably the funnest one I've had yet. It's a little sad because I say this from 4 years of experience. I honestly was not willing to march down the length of Union Ave. and I wouldn't want to do it again, but I enjoyed it while it lasted. Prior to loading the buses, I asked the guard what I could do better with work in the parade and we ended up tossing many pop tosses, pole hits, a few 45s, and did a little more dancing. Smiling didn't hurt either. Afterwards, I went over to Ana's house with Emily and DJ, where we would meet Jae. I would say our time there was pretty chill. We ordered Domino's pizza via their amazing internet services[Thank you, Umad, for delivering our pizzas. haha], watched some Harry Potter, and played some Dance Central. It was a good time; it was a good start to even better times. Tonight, I'm ready to hopefully sleep well. Hopefully, I will wake up tomorrow "happily." Photo is of my messy-ass table side. Drinks are everywheree.

Why Do My Feet Seem A Lot Closer That Usual??

I woke up feeling so nicely, TWO DAYS IN A ROW. Woop. That Saturday morning feel never fails me. Today started off with an early trip to the mall. We we're running late, but we got there around 9:50AM. My sister and I had new glasses to pick up. I was excited to finally have a new, nice pair of glasses which I would not feel awkward wearing out into public. My excitement was slightly thrown out of line when I tried them on. Although I was wearing my contacts, I didn't expect to be dazed by my new glasses. Usually, when you have contacts on and put on glasses of the same prescription, the two cancel out and your vision should not alter. This morning, when I wore my glasses at the office, everything was so magnified and it didn't feel right. All day that I have been wearing them, I've been feeling uncomfortable. My depth perception has been off. Apparently, after Googling my problems, it takes about 2 days to adjust to a new prescription.

I can't seem to stop myself from eating excessively lately. Today I found myself stuffing wafers and cookies into my mouth, non-stop. I don't know what it is, but I really don't want to lose my "flatter" stomach. On the way back from the mall, I fell asleep in the car with a stuffed, over-satisfied, stomach. I thought I was going to barf. Photo is of a car accident that slowed down traffic this morning. Intense.

Ridiculously Good

Wow, I had a ridiculously good day. I have considered this miraculous, considering how the past week has been. Honestly, I woke up feeling so nice this morning and that in itself, has not happened in a long, long time. I got ready in time, caught the bus, and there I was, happy on my way to school. Happiness outside my heart has been hard to grasp lately, but today showed me that it is in reach. I really had my doubts for today, but today really surprised me in being an amazing day. Along with just a good day in general, my project was accepted at I got an 89; hence, I have a 97 for the class. Although I feel I could've received a higher grade, I am just humbled at all for having one to account for. I walked to 7-11 with the love after school although it is such a tiny thing to do together, I cherish it so much. Every time I find myself sitting beside you on the side of 7-11 talking about everything my life, I soon am overwhelmed with this realization that I won't find this anywhere else, with no one else. I straight-up told him, "I can't see myself with anyone else. I'm a really goofy person and I think that if I wasn't with you, I would be trying to hard to not be myself. I'm very comfortable around you." Goodness, how I love you so. This day has gone by very well. I even got a ride from Francis-random, but not questioned. Photo is of my blue thumb. :(

Unfathomable

Wow, I've honestly never felt so defeated at my own hands. I checked my grades last night and discovered that I'm standing at a 75 with my history grade because of my failure of a project. The thing is, I finished and literally sent it to him at the end of the class, but the e-mail didn't go through. Also, with the 75, it didn't bother me as much as it usually would. That night, I gave up on myself. I gave up on school. I finished a painting I started last night

Today, all of my stresses built up even more. The lamp broke, the laptop broke fell on me, I had bad grades, all that jazz. I just couldn't take it today. It was nice to get extra hours of sleep, but even that backfired on me. I woke up with a slight headache, probably because the heater was on too high and I slept in. I really want to get my life back together. Lets go. Photo is of my finished painting.

I Have Broken Up With Myself

Last night I found myself surrendering to... myself. Yesterday, I found out that the project I was putting off for Friday was actually due today. I spent much of last night trying to work on my project, but the majority of my night was spent procrastinating. I've been known to wait until the last minute, but this was something new; it was beyond the self-torture I'm used to. Thus far, Junior year has been hell. I have never worked hard and done anything in advance. Every project, every paper, and every assignment has been left to last minute. I constantly tested my limits and took them for granted. I'm sick of my lazy behaviors. What my parents always told me is finally seeing truth. "You're killing yourself," they said. I didn't want to wake up this morning because I knew that hell was rising. I really need to change my ways. I can't wait for college where I will be taking classes that I will actually like. My motivation is all gone. I need extra help to get through these days. Photo is of started painting.

Maybe This Was Better

I knew that this morning would begin very tiring, cramped on time and physical stranth. I felt physically tried. After from school, I went to Ana's house tonight where we had a great time. At first, we started the afternoon with a phone order for Chinese food. Then, we began to play Central Dance for Kinect. Goodess, that game is hilarious and fun! Even though there was only two of us, maybe this was better. Photo is from da gaamme.

What Is Progress?

I will honestly admit that I just may have written the worst paper of my life. I have just spent an entire night BSing. Every single word written on this paper has been pulled out of my ass and it took the entire night do even just. The was no type of motivation to get this paper done; I have given up from the beginning. Despite the fact that I went to Barnes n Noble to get a start on the paper, I could not, for the life of me, make progress. I already know that going there is a bad idea because as expected, I just sat there with coffee in hand, surfing the web :D Hrmm, the girls who sat not too far from me had combat boots on.. I NEED TO GET ME A PAIR. Photo is of me from earlier today.

LOL. That Was Awkward.

Call me a loser, but watching HGTV inspires me. It doesn't even make sense with my career choice, but finding an ideal place to live sounds fun. Uh.. ANYWAYS.. Today was actually a very nice Saturday. If there is any way I could describe it, it would be that "Saturday Morning" feel which I had earlier. When I woke up, I didn't wake up cranky. I was calm and collected. The sun was shining through the windows just enough for one to forget how dark and dingy a place like mine really is.

This Saturday began with a trip to the mall to get a refill on contacts and order new glasses. Despite how early it was [about 10AM], being at the mall with my family was nonetheless enjoyable. I found a nice pair of Vogue frames and kind of sad that I have to wait a few days for a chance to wear them. I also bought a jacket from Forever 21 that my eyes couldn't resist. Later into the early after

noon, I took a trip to the Lackland Storage facility..thing. It was an attempt to find my beloved Billabong pinstriped jacket which failed, sadly.

Tonight kept a good day going as I took up an opportunity to hit up Barnes & Noble with Emily and Deejay. We found Ana and Roland there and we all chilled out. I can't wait for Monday to show off my new buys :) [Dear reader, it's okay to be confused] We then hit up Applebee's for some food where I would admit to having a good time. We had our little fun with the waiter, switching our seating arrangements every now and then. It was amusing to ask for Blue cheese, switch, and have the item presented to the wrong person. It was amusing to us, at least. Deejay and I clapped with the other co-workers when it was someone's birthday and sang

along, too. Between Deejay and myself, too many awkward moments erupt. In the midst of a slightly explicit conversation, or statement, a server came with my dessert and Deejay earned himself an Awkward point. Then, I earned my own when we went to sing behind some workers. The clapping and singing was fine, but I was so ready to turn around and run back to our table that I turned around fast,

not noticing the waiter behind me. I almost spill

ed the drinks he had in hand- oh Jesus. Compared to last week

, tonight had a "chill-er" and "mature" feel to it. We had fun and were still immature at times, but it was only to such an extent. Photo are from today: awkward camel book and color palettes.

Scissor Happy & Redeeming

I guess I could start off by describing how I slept last night. I would say that I slept alright, aside from the random moments of stripping. In the middle of the night, I realized what a mistake it was to sleep in a hoodie. I thought it was okay because I decided not to wear a shirt underneath, but the uncomfort was all the same. ..wait no, this was the dilemma the other night! My bad. Haha. Last night was about the pants. For some reason it felt hot and uncomfortable, so I ended up taking those off.

ANWAYS, I have found myself using the phrase "SMH" countless times today. Bleh. Because of the football game tonight, I left the hosue early. I was only planning on taking the bus there, but my mother insisted on me taking a cab. When I suggested the bus, she reacted as if I had never ridden a bus before and it was so dangerous to cross the street. I felt bad and was at the same time relieve that she was calling a taxi for me because I wasn't planning on going straight to the high school. It was 1:30PM and I didn't have to report until 5PM. I asked the cab to drop me off at his house [and I'm pretty sure she charged me extra] and we hung out there for a while. I felt bad for lying, but it is what it is. Tonight's football game was indifferent, but the performance was slightly redeeming, to say the least. I messed up and forgot some work, but I felt better than Sunday's performance. Photo is of my lazy-butt colorguard. :) Shianne is in there somewhere haha

Progressive & Desiring

I am slowly becoming less and less phased by things that would usually have me down in the dumps. I really want to hang out with him tomorrow, but in the reality where he doesn't want to, I have just been accepting. I will look at this in a better light and reassure myself that I can see him on Monday.

Today, surprisingly, have been a very productive day. I have been able to work on my Wind Ensemble pieces for flute, read through some English papers, work on the Pre-Cal worksheet, and do my AP Chem homework -early. I have worked so well to a point of stress and a slight headache. Although many would see that as a negative aspect, I look at it in the sense that I will have less to worry about on Sunday night. In all my years of procrastination and attempts to work well, I have barely lived in the moment where I realize there is nothing to be done and I am really free to relax. I have done an excessive amount of eating today which involved Nutella and bread. Yay, periods. Tonight I have found myself deeply exploring the FIT website again. This would be about the 50th time repeating. I am so determined to go there, but I need to keep reminding myself about possibly not getting admitted. Photo is of the best damned stack of pancakes I have ever made this morning!

Stressing On Stress-Free?

Bleh, I am so tired; I am just about ready to head in for the night. This morning was "surprisingly" stressful. It was a bad idea to sleep late last night around 4PM, but I did get a lot of work done! Waking up at the typical 7:15AM wasn't much of a problem. The conflict was in me moving super slow, even though the bus was on it's way. I ended up rushing out of the house with my book bag, textbook, sweats, charger, posters, and bag of food at hand. I was so frantic while getting on the bus.As it turned out, I dropped some posters down the aisle with my charger swinging around. The bag of food was a packed container of sweet, Brown Maple oatmeal and a banana... which ended up spilling. Trying to settle down on the bus, there I was with a bag of spilt food that looked like vomit, yet smelled so good.

The afternoon went much smoother. After school, I had to put up many flyers and posters for Creative Writing club. I also had to show up for the Tri-M meeting. Then, we had what I thought to be Marching Band practice, but it only lasted about 30 minutes. We watched the DVDs from All-State's which was quite fun. Later this afternoon, Jacob, Deejay, Ana, Emily and I walked back to Deejay's plays, but dropping Jacob off home. I pigged out at Deejay's Party Mix and even apologized. I'm on my period; let me be. Photo is of his living room.

Grossly Cleaning

Wow, am I really caught up with this blog? Maybe I can finally keep up now that my greatest stresses are gone..

It was nice not having to worry about waking up early today. I felt gross this afternoon, waking up at 1PM. It was a good kind of gross, though. Considering how crazy life has been, I didn't care. I was asleep, eyes shut, at 7:30AM. That's what's good. Nothing too amazing happened today. Lola came home and I cleaned up around the house. I actually got started on homework early and got some chemistry done. Woot. I had planned to walk over to Lackland Storage to look for my beloved jackets, but I didn't find the time to. I guess that will have to wait for another time. I can't really complain about the hour rehearsal tomorrow, but whatever. We might as well get it over with. Photo is of my guinea pigs in a box this morning while I cleaned the cage. lol They didn't move at all. Eh, I couldn't rotate the picture.

Stray From Me.

Oh, how nice it was to be walking to Deejay's house with him, Jacob, Ana, and myself at 3:58PM. Usually, we would be heading out to the field by now, but the fact that the season is over means other wise. Today was great. I went throughout the whole school day not worrying about having to do anything after school other than make posters for Creative Writing. At Deejay's house, I perceived a good time, but everyone else saw otherwise. My tone of voice has really been inducing arguments and I need to change how I respond to people. Maybe my father's little talk in the car last night did mean something. These reality checks need to be attended to. We watched a DVD from All-States and began to watch The Social Network. He wouldn't sit by me or cuddle, so I asked if anything was wrong. He obviously said no, but I knew better. The entire time, he strayed away. Little did I know, the conversations back in the kitchen had irritated him. The other two noticed as well, but I didn't take it into much consideration. Then, my father called and asked if I was coming along to the mall with them. I replied no and he began to lecture me again. Life is so stressful right now. I didn't even bother to sit back on the couch next to someone who didn't want to be near me. So I stayed on the floor in front of the TV, with my charging cell phone. I felt so lost in the middle, making mistakes here and there. I called my family back and said that I changed my mind. I asked to be picked up. Honestly, my decision was made in the fact that he didn't want to be near me. If I was having problems with my father about not being good in this family, what good would it be to myself or my family that I was hanging out with people who didn't even want me around? So I decided to leave. I was disappointed in myself because I usually don't make such a decision, but so much in my life was going on that all I wanted was to relax. Minute later, I decided to go back to the couch, putting away my phone and charger. When I walked over, he was lying across the couch, but sat up and over to the other side. I didn't know what to make of it, but when I sat down, he called me over. I looked over to him and made my way over. Being able to rest my stressed, tired self against his was what I yearned to do for so long. I help his hand and I just cuddled into him, surrendering to whatever mistake I made and grateful to finally be where I was. Soon after, my phone rang. My sister was outside and I had to go. I was a little upset because I was finally liking where I was. Apparently he had to leave also and hitched a ride with me. On the way out, we stopped in the kitchen. He took me by surprise and began to kiss me. They weren't just kisses, too. These were the kind of kisses that told you that whatever was wrong before is gone now and everything will be okay. We left out the door and my life felt a little bit more.. livable. We held hands on the ride to his house and shared a kiss goodnight. I felt no hesitation for that last kiss.

The mall tonight with the family was stressful. I tried to help at the Verizon stand to switch my sister's phone over, but I kept typing in the wrong number into the phone. The guy was waiting at the stand, irritated, and wasn't any help either. I wasn't up for anymore stress tonight. I gave back the phone, and walked away. Apparently my mother made a scene later as she always does, so thank friggin' God that I left. Photo is of Deejay's pretty kitchen.