Wow, I had an unbelievably fun time tonight. The way this past year, or rather the current year, is playing out now is much better than I had feared. I thought losing people in my life would pull me down, but at that same time, I realized that life moves on, regardless. I am very grateful for the people in my life - I truly am. They say, "You don't realize what you have until it's gone", and that ideal has hit me. I also realized that I can really be an outgoing person, but I need to break through all of the awkwardness first. I'm learning to stop hesitating with the decisions that I make. When a song came on, I thought about picking up Rey to have a dance. I let my mind process the thought and forward it into a decision. I rose from my seat, made eye contact like a creeper, and began to strut my way over there. We danced and had so much fun, just laughing our heads off. It's truly a nice feeling to be in individual who is comfortable in her social surroundings. Tonight,that feeling overwhelmed me, as I danced all out, like nobody's business! When it comes to friendships, I realize that Ana really has been a close, best friend to me. She probably doesn't know it, but becoming friends with her in 7th grade was probably one of the best decisions of my life. Being friends with a person like her helped me feel comfortable with who I am because she was someone I could relate to and had much in common with. It told me that it was okay to be me. I'm not a girly girl, but it doesn't mean I'm a butch tomboy.
Tonight was kind of weird. I started to cry when her brother started performing a dedication to her. At first it was a joke as I mentioned, "I'm about to cry." Before I knew it, there were tears freely passing through my tear ducts! The year I have been with a full heart has also taught me to truly feel and express emotions. The tears came so easily. I think the crying was conceived in the feelings of pride and the fact that Ive been around to see another person change so greatly as I have. I think it may have been that I felt for her. In her shoes, I could see that all of this good was happening in life.
Because of poor time crunches, I gave her a BS gift tonight. At UO, I bought her an LOL Camera and the reason why was that in the mean time while waiting for the real thing, she should begin capturing moments in her 16th year. From personal experience, a lot can happen when you hit that age. I didn't see half of it coming either! I'm working on her gift soon! Photo is of Bryan right before he played :'3
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