A Headache For A Day Topped With Coconut Shavings

The stress kicked in today. I'm captain, I really want to see my boyfriend, my boyfriend comes to see me, he leaves upset, and I go home with a headache. Sometimes, the age gap really sticks out to me when I'm with the guard. They're all so young: rookies, freshmen, and 3rd years. Although the age differences aren't too big, I still feel so old. It can somewhat be a lonely feeling, but what can you do, right? I was running practice not too badly up until lunch, clapping pretty much the entire time, resetting work and breaking counts down to their cores. I felt like I was losing the boost of confidence I was having. I caught myself explaining things so poorly too often, not knowing how to get back on track. I felt embarrassed of myself. I don't know what happened today, but my guess was right. Last night, I told you I wouldn't be able to get through today, and I barely made it through. Sitting in the BS'd leadership meeting, I saw you. I was so happy and was dreading the stupid meeting. They were not even talking about anything relevant! Unfortunately, I found out last minute that I had to give someone a ride. You brought your bike. This wasn't going to work out. I didn't even know what was going on yet, but all I knew was that I wanted to see you. If all I got was a hug and small talk, I would have been so happy. As it turns out, you left without notice - without a good bye, without even a hello. It hurt. It hurt more to see your status read something like "Home. What a waste. Now I'm wet double whammy" When I first read it, I couldn't believe my eyes. A Waste? Wet? It was the slightest drizzle and you had concluded on your own that there was no hope left for us to see eachother today. The only option was to go home. What got me furious was that I've been through so much more than just a a drizzle, multiple times. There was practically a blizzard I walked through from your house back to the bus stop, where I waited almost an hour to get on, and then walked the rest of the way home. I was literally ready to just fall over in the snow and close my eyes. There was the countless times where we'd walk to your house after school, but I stayed in a parking lot while you went to check if the coast was clear. Turns out, someone would be home and I would get a phone call basically telling me to walk all the way back alone to go home. There were so many unfortunate times, but never had I referred to them as a "waste". I cherished every minute I got to physically be next to you, so as long as that happened, I wasn't wasting anything. I know we have restrictions, but thats what makes every second worth it. We made up later, as I bit my tongue, just wanting relief. I got home, went into the cellar, got the bike, and began biking towards your house. It began to drizzle. Whatever. I just needed to see you and I was sticking to our word from last night. We ended up sitting in that parking lot under my umbrella until I could get a ride back home with my sister. Tonight I made a cake for my mother. Her 51st birthday is tomorrow. I usually never do anything for her, but over this past year, I've learned to love her more and show it. I made her a red velvet cake - four layers, cream cheese frosting all over, and coconut shavings sprinkled on top. Photo is of that lovely cake and my waiting game.